Do you feel a lot of stress and anxiety when it comes to thinking of all you need to get done? Is your To-Do list feeling completely unattainable?
Do you feel that you can’t trust your spouse to check-off items on your To-Do list? If you’ve answered yes to any of these questions, I’ve got the perfect episode for you.
Looking back at our AFWF stats, I’ve decided to go over our top 10 most popular episodes. #6 is one that couldn’t hit at a better time for me. The #6th most popular episode is: Overwhelmed with being a Mom and Keeping up a Household, my Husband does Nothing to Help! HELP! This episode was first published in May 2021 and it is GOOD.
This past weekend I went to Nashville without my kids and husband. I was so stressed about leaving everyone; I was trying to get as much done for them before I left. I wanted to double and triple check everything. Then I realized, why? My husband was staying.
My kids would be with their dad the entire time. Was I doubting him? No. I was feeling overwhelmed and anxious about not having control over things I normally have control over.
My To-Do list would have to be handed over to my husband and I would have to trust that not only was he doing everything, he was doing it well. Because, let’s face it… my way of doing things isn’t the only way.
When I realized it was this episode that I would be going over this week, I had to take a step back and laugh a little. Of Course this episode would align with this week! In this episode I sit down with Jessica Gonzales and we chat about how succeeding as a mom, wife, and career woman is not easy.
Jessica shares how with the stress and overwhelm of it, she found herself in therapy. One of the first questions her therapist asked her? What do you do at home, what are your “jobs”? So she began to list it out. (I encourage you to list yours out, just for fun).
Jessica listed so many tasks (cooking, cleaning, laundry, grocery shopping, paying the bills, making lunches, etc.) that she would assign as hers. Then the therapist asked, “and what are you okay letting your husband do?” She froze.
She had a reason why she wanted to do each task. But with each reason she was fueling her overwhelm by not being able to let go.
Her unwillingness to let go and let her husband help left her entirely overwhelmed and frustrated. She realized that she’d get home and be so mad, not talking to anyone. She was completely and entirely overwhelmed and frustrated at her husband for not helping but also not being willing to let him help.
Plus, she was expecting her husband to read between the lines, understand her overwhelm, and automatically know where to chip in. This is when her therapist shared something so crucial. “Stop expecting your husband to just do it. You can expect all your life, you are going to be miserable.” You have to voice your need for help.
Your family deserves your best but, the reality is, you are setting yourself up to give them your worst by refusing to let go and refusing to allow help. Don’t repeat day after day expecting your spouse to know how to help you exactly how you want to be helped. It’s time to set both of you up for a successful week.
But remember, don’t face this process with a critical heart. Cheer your spouse on, don’t look at their work and think “I could’ve done it better.” The reality is, you and your spouse will have different ways of doing things, but do they meet at the same end result? Is the task done? If the answer is yes and yes, then maybe it’s ok if the process is different.
So, for the one feeling a lot of stress and anxiety when it comes to thinking of all you need to get done. For the one who is feeling that their To-Do is completely unattainable, and the one who feels that they can’t trust their spouse to check-off items on their To-Do list, here is what you can do today:
Talk about it. Tonight, after your kids go to bed and the work for the day is done, I encourage you and your spouse to sit down and list out each chore that needs to get done.
Share. Get that list of chores and then split them up, or split them the best you can. Maybe you switch dishes each day, maybe you let go a little and allow your spouse to do laundry – if you’re worried about them not “doing it right,” maybe let your spouse do colors and you do delicates… in that you’ll be sharing the work without being prepared to be critical of the job they do.
Pray on it. Once the chores are split up an
Discuss if both of you are clear on what is on your “list” for the week, I encourage you to pray together. Pray over this change, pray over your hearts, and pray over your house. Remember Mark 10:9, “Therefore what God has joined together, let no one separate.” With God at the core, your marriage is unbreakable.
Finally, this week I encourage both you and your spouse to acknowledge and thank each other for the work you’re each doing. Actually sharing that you are thankful for the help allows each of you to feel seen for your hard work. It’s easy to take routine chores for granted, this week let’s try to be observant of the hard work our spouse is doing.
Listen to this encouragement filled episode here and remember, with a patient heart and the Lord by your side, all things are possible. You aren’t alone, in fact, I’m right there with you.
Love Always,
Amanda